We Know How Hard This Is

Losing your brother is a grief that cuts uniquely deep. He was your childhood companion, your partner in adventure, the person who knew you before you knew yourself. Whether you were best friends, rivals turned allies, or something beautifully complicated in between, his absence leaves a hole that nothing else can fill.

Writing his eulogy during this heartbreaking time may seem impossible. You might be worried about finding the right words, about breaking down in front of everyone, or about capturing the depth of a bond that spans your entire life. These fears are natural. Take a deep breath. You don't have to be perfect. You just need to speak from your heart.

Understanding the Purpose

A eulogy for your brother is your chance to celebrate the person who shared your childhood, your family, your history. It's a space to share what made him special, to let others see him through your eyes, and to keep his memory alive in the hearts of everyone who loved him. This isn't about a perfect speech. It's about love, remembrance, and saying goodbye to your fellow traveler through life.

Getting Started

Give Yourself Grace

First, know this: however you're feeling right now is okay. Losing a sibling is its own unique pain. Some days writing might feel impossible. That's normal. Take breaks when you need them.

Reflect on His Life

When you're ready, think about the moments that defined your relationship:

• The games you invented together as kids
• The secrets only the two of you shared
• How your relationship evolved from childhood through adulthood
• The ways he made you laugh, even when you were fighting
• The moments when he had your back, no questions asked

Gather Your Thoughts

These questions might help unlock memories:

• What's the first memory that comes to mind when you think of him?
• What did growing up together teach you about life?
• How did your relationship change as you both grew older?
• What parts of your childhood would be incomplete without him?
• What did you understand about each other that no one else did?

Structure Your Eulogy

There's no perfect formula, but having a gentle structure can help when words feel hard to find:

1. Opening – Thank everyone for being there. Acknowledge the pain you're all feeling together.
2. Introduction – Share who he was to you and what defined your bond.
3. Childhood Memories – The foundation of your relationship, the years that shaped you both.
4. His Character – What made him uniquely him, beyond being your brother.
5. Your Bond – How your relationship evolved, what you meant to each other.
6. Impact & Legacy – How he shaped you and others. What he leaves behind.
7. Closing – Your final words to him. It's okay if tears come.

Writing Tips

Be Authentic

Speak the way you naturally speak. Use your own words, not fancy language that doesn't sound like you. Your brother knew your voice, probably better than anyone. Use it to remember him.

Let yourself feel. If emotion wells up while writing or speaking, that's beautiful. It shows love. Everyone there understands because they're grieving too.

If you and your brother shared inside jokes or a particular sense of humor, don't be afraid to include that. Those private moments between siblings are precious, and sharing them can be healing.

Embrace the Complexity

Brothers aren't always simple relationships. You might have fought. You might have gone through periods of distance. That's okay to acknowledge. The complicated parts often make the love more real, more earned, more meaningful.

You can honor your brother while being honest about your relationship. "We didn't always get along, but we always had each other's backs" can be more powerful than pretending everything was perfect.

Keep It Personal

The most meaningful eulogies are filled with specific details. Not "we had fun as kids," but "we spent every summer building elaborate forts in the backyard, and he always insisted on being the architect, even though my designs were clearly better."

Use his actual words when you can. His catchphrases, his nicknames for you, the way he'd call you when he needed advice. These details bring him back into the room, just for a moment.

Remember Your Audience

Aim for 5 to 10 minutes. That might feel short for a lifetime of memories, but it's enough to say what matters. Everyone there is grieving too, and briefer can be more powerful.

This eulogy is for everyone who loved him, but it's also for you. It's part of your goodbye to the person who was there from the beginning.

Preparing to Deliver

Practice reading it aloud, even though it will hurt. This helps you know where the hardest parts are.

Print it in large font. Bring two copies in case tears blur the words.

Ask someone you trust to be ready to step in if you can't continue. There's no shame in that. The attempt alone shows your love.

During the eulogy, take your time. Pause when you need to. Look up and see the faces of people who loved him too. You're not alone in this.

Everyone there is supporting you. They understand. No one expects perfection. They just want to remember him with you.

What to Include

Include what feels right:

• Childhood memories that shaped both of you
• The evolution of your relationship over the years
• His quirks, his laugh, the things that made him uniquely him
• Moments when he showed up for you, and when you showed up for him
• His own words and wisdom
• Humor, if it fits who he was
• The complicated parts, if they matter to the story

You might want to avoid:

• Trying to cover his entire life story (choose meaningful moments instead)
• Inside references that will confuse most people
• Details that would embarrass him or hurt others
• Comparisons to other siblings that might cause pain

Final Thoughts

Writing this eulogy won't make the pain go away. But it gives you a chance to name what your brother meant to you, to share the weight of this loss with others who loved him, and to make sure his story, your shared story, is told.

There's no one right way to do this. Whatever you write, whatever you say, will be enough. Because it comes from you, the person who knew him longest, who shared his history, who carries part of him forward.

He was your brother. No one else can tell your story together. Take your time. Be gentle with yourself. And know that showing up to do this, despite the pain, is an act of profound love.

You've got this. And wherever he is, he knows how much he meant to you.